[[my own epic drama, my own scripted page.]]

hon·es·ty
–noun,
1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.
2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.
3. freedom from deceit or fraud.


i never realized how hard it was for so many people to be honest.

the quote "i'd rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i'm not" rings very clear right now.

i know there are a handful of people who don't like me... but i'm happy with myself, and that is what matters.

some people don't understand my train of thought, my actions, my lifestyle... and that's perfectly fine, but when you disrespect me over it, its no longer fine. short of my parents and grandparents, no one should be self-righteous enough to think that they're morally sound and know what i should and should not do. especially if you take a look at the decisions you've made for yourself. please don't act like you're my friend or that you're worried for my well being when you're proved tenfold that is not the case.

one of my hugest character flaws is trusting people far too easily. if you want to know the easiest way to get hurt, trusting people is definitely it. i was raised on honest principles, and automatically give strangers the benefit of the doubt that they were also raised with honest principles. you can say a million bad things about me, but i'm not a liar.

people can have such little tact, and in the end, i hope you realize that you're embarrassing yourself more than you're embarrassing me, or anyone else you're talking about. undoubtedly you display my words in a context that puts you on a high horse and knocks me down even further.

please don't act like you know anything about me, or even the situation(s) i've talked to you about, because chances are, details have been left out and you have no idea what you're talking about.

i'm literally sickened right now.
you run to me and act concerned, and then you twist my words to hurt me.
its because of people like you, i don't talk to the people i should confide in.


a public note to everyone: if i did something personally to you that made you not like me, then i apologize. i have no bad intentions, and i'd like to fix anything i've wronged. but if you dislike me because of my actions on a website, or because of something someone told you, then excuse me, but you can fuck off.


i'm done being upset over shitty people. and the sad thing is that this entry can be pointed towards so many different individuals that have hurt me over the years.

i've been so much happier than i've ever been with everything in the past few months... things are falling perfectly in to place for me and my future... i'm about to start my last semester of my college career, i have an incredible internship, and i will be damned if i let anyone ruin anything i have going for me right now.


i have been and will continue to erase people from my buddylist, my myspace, my livejournal, and my life.
and if you think you're going to get under my skin again, you're wrong. don't bother. i learned my lesson. i should have never permitted it from anyone, and i should have never let it persist as long as it did. i'm learning from what i've done and i'm changing the future.


thank you, but i'm done.
-stacymichelle.

DJ Rossstar has asked his blog readers to come up with their Top 5 albums of all time. You know, the record you've been listening to straight through since the day you bought it without skipping a single song. The record that, no matter what musical phase you happen to be in, you will always come back to. The record that's been a constant companion, through thick and thin, good times and bad.



so. let's see if i can do this. though i'm sure some of this is going to be predictable.


1. clarity: jimmy eat world.


 

it took me a while to catch on, but over the past year, jimmy eat world has become one of my favorite bands. on my last.fm, 12.23.95 holds my #1 most played song position. this band itself is 700 play counts ahead of the next band. although bleed american and futures are close, close, close behind... at any given time, i can get completely lost in clarity and be the happiest girl in the world for it.


2. red letter day/woodson e.p.s:  the get up kids.




this must be the hardest pick for me. there are one or two songs on four minute mile, eudora, on a wire, even something to write home about that i could do without if i had to. okay, okay. i wanted to cheat and say live at the granada theatre, but i couldn't. the only thing that made me choose red letter day / woodson eps. over guilt show is that i could hypothetically do without the last track on guilt show. can you tell by my words that it pains me to write this? rld/woodson was the first get up kids c.d. i owned, and i love every song, every word, every note, every breath put in to that record.

3. new found glory: a new found glory.


 

okay. so we all know catalyst was never my favorite album. its all about the girls is awesome, but isn't nfg's best. from the screen to your stereo doesn't count in consideration for 'favorite album' material. coming home has few flaws, but enough to make the album not completely perfect, and definitely not my favorite new found album. nothing gold can stay  and sticks and stones come in such a tie for a close second that it hurts my heart. but i think the short, sweet, no-hidden track ending on the self titled c.d. polishes off the album perfectly, putting it a small step above the rest. this is coming from the girl who wants a nothing gold can stay tattoo... jeez. but yeah, this album is flawless in my mind. just utter perfection. it was my first purchased new found glory cd if my memory serves correctly, and i cherish it to this day.

4. atomic: lit.




who saw this one coming? likely no one. this, in addition to nothing gold can stay is the only album i recall buying in stores more than once. i don't know what it is about lit, but i abso-freaking-lutely adore the hell out of this band. this c.d. is so awesome to me. it puts me in a great mood, and i think they're awesome musicians. i really don't listen to them much, anymore, but at any given time i could pick up this album and listen to it the entire way through. love it.

5. gratitude: gratitude.




i suggest this album to anyone. it was almost in my 'close calls' as i was still deciding the last two bands for my top 5, but seriously, this album is pristine. there's not one song i don't adore the hell out of. so much emotion is captured in his lyrics and his voice. i just love it.




close calls: madness of the crowd: ace troubleshooter. dream to make believe: armor for sleep.  so long, astoria: the ataris. chroma: cartel. enema of the state: blink182. what it is to burn: finch. good charlotte: good charlotte (not even joking, this album rules. but there are a couple songs i could do without). chaos reveals rhyme: inkwell. everything in transit: jack's mannequin. sleepwalker: jamisonparker. destination:beautiful: mae (except 'last call' threw the perfection of this album out the window in my opinion). songs about jane: maroon 5. leaving through the window and north: something corporate. one fell swoop: the spill canvas. based on a true story and say it like you mean it: the starting line. palm trees and power lines: sugarcult. tell all your friends: taking back sunday. always leave the ground: this day and age. moments from mourning: unsung zeros.

this cartel c.d. is quite possibly one of my favorite things about life. i'm realizing more and more what my favorite bands truly are... just like my favorite friends. the ones you don't always need right there in front of you, but you know you always have to fall back on when you need them. the c.d.s you can put away for months at a time, and bring it out and it has the same effect on you. it comforts you in the same way it always did.



making decisions has always been wicked hard for me. you're supposed to make huge decisions by yourself, with no influence of others. but of course when things are going right, a person is going to feel more obliged to stay somewhere than leave. why would you want to leave comfort?

sometimes i wonder how many people read the various blogs/bulletins/livejournals/emails i write and care about them. some people say they care but i wonder how many people really do. i wonder how many people who i attempt to keep in my life couldn't care less whether or not i was a part of theirs. i tend to over-care, if you will, about people. every year i meet new people. and think they're going to mean a lot to me. and before i know it, i'll run in to them and not know if i'm supposed to say hello. perfect example: the person who 100% meant the most to me at this time last year means less than nothing to me now. i never thought that would happen. best friends can become strangers. its sad how much trust we put in to people who end up meaning nothing to us. i can say this much: anyone who makes any attempt to hurt you isn't worth your time. people will hurt you no matter how far up or down your guard is, but take everything with a grain of salt and roll with the punches. (who thought i'd ever use two such cliche phrases in the same sentence, but sometimes it just fits.) you never know when the people who mean the most to you are going to let you down, but you need to keep your head up. things will only get better if you have faith in them getting better-- so have faith. believe in yourself. because without yourself, you have nothing.

i love being in random states, and in random places. meeting new people and seeing new things. people take strangers for granted. everyone was a stranger to you at one point in time. thats why i've always made it a point to talk to so many people--- everyone has something to teach you. everyone has something to learn. and something they can teach. the world is fascinating if you open your eyes and ears. being in other places shows me the beauty of the land this earth has to offer. its a wonderful thing.


sometimes we want to be seen or heard. but always be seen or heard for yourself, not for anyone else. and not at the gain or loss of anyone. if you get attention due to something having to do with someone else, you'll only be behind in the end. if you're bettering yourself for anyone other than yourself, you're doing it for all of the wrong reasons. you can get compliments from other people all day long, but until you can look at yourself and the things you do and be happy with them, the things people say to you can only hold you up for so long.



if everyone was more concerned with themselves and less concerned about anyone else, the world would be a better place. the media driving celebrities in to insanity is the perfect example. but it happens all around us on such lower scales every day.


if your friends are mad at you--- its because they care. no one is stupid enough to spend time being mad at someone that they don't care about. if your friends offer advice, try to take it. sometimes its hard, but the least you can do is listen. people usually have good intentions, and words may not come out perfect but the meaning and care is behind them.


we have one life. one chance is all we get. make the most out of it. don't let the little things get you down. keep smiling. keep living. keep fighting through the hard times. keep loving. just keep on, and it'll pay off. be the bigger person, go the harder route. overcome the things that scare the shit out of you. don't waste time being sad--- take it from me. i've been miserable, and its not worth it. watching days, weeks, months, and years pass you by is not worth it. make the most of things.


i don't know what else to say. i wish everyone happiness and health. always.

xoxo,
-stacymichelle.